i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
