My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
