Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
