oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
