My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
