well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
