i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
