she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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