Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize