hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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