im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
