Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Welp...herpes.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
