OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just forgot I was standing up.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
