yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
