Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i think im in europe. pls send help
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
