I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
