But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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