what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
