he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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