I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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