My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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