that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
