best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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