genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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