wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
