It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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