So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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