I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
