I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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