its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
