You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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