I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
