i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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