I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
