never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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