fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
