I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
