Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
