fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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