I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
