Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
