Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
