I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
