I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize