Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
