Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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