Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
