Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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