yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Randomize
