im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
