I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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