Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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