He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
