I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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