Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
