I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
