Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize