when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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