I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
