my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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