He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
