I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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