he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
COCAINE IS GR8
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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