guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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