i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
