For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
