I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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