apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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