Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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