so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
