if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
