So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
