Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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