just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
