i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
