If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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