I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
