I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
