I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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