I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
