How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
