"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
