It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Pants are for mortals
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize