I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
