Me. At least after what I've been through.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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