Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
