I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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