So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
