Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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