why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize