we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
