she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
