I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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