The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
