but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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