Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
