I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
