just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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