Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There's always time for handjobs
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
