Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
