chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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