he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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