I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just pee around me
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
