im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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