Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
