Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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