Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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