you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
