Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize