What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
