Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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