I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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